Youre body can take more than you think...

Did pretty good yesterday. I ate two small meals (cereal and egg whites and whole grain english muffin with pizza sauce and cheese) and also worked out twice (step plus abs class and ran 25 min with abs). I'm really hungry right now and am losing motivation for this fast that i'm going to do tomorrow. I think i'm going to eat one of those 'healthy' frozen meals before work tonight and call it a day with eating, hopefully i'll survive saturday haha

you're body can handle more than you think it can...i just gotta keep remembering that.

New Idea

Well last night didnt go as planned, i ended up nibbling on some things at the party and then when i got home i ate two pieces of that fucking banana cake stuff. It gets me every time *sigh*

Plus i didn't get to weigh myself at work yesterday so i still have no idea what my current weight is.

So i have a new plan. I'm still going to try for the one meal a day thing (namely breakfast) and definitly no more than two (breakfast and dinner) and then i'm slowly going to start fasting.

Saturday will be a full day fast, nothing but liquids and then next week thursday and saturday will but full day fasts and then tuesday, thursday and saturday...you get the idea until i eventually make it up to a full week fast and then i'll work my way back down.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that i can pull this off.

Failure...

Failed yesterday
plans got messy so we didnt end up going to dinner, which should have been a good thing but then i ended up eating a mini pizza, some cookies, brownies and cake what the fucking hell was i thinking
i bargained with myself and said i'd try again today, which i will but its still no excuse for yesterday.
Whatever, i gotta keep going. So far today I've had ice coffee, mini pizza and two slices of banana bread (gets me every time) luckily i'm done for now and i work until seven tonight and have a party right after so i wont have time to eat again today. thank fucking gosh.
I think i'm going to weigh myself during my break today since my scale here doesn't work, i haven't weighed myself in ages so i'm really terrified of what its going to say.

Whats Eating Me...

My boyfriend and I broke up two nights ago. I knew it had to happen eventually but i didn't think it would happen so soon, i thought we had both agreed on spending the summer together before i leave since it would have probably been the last time we would be together like this. We dated on and off for three years, when doing the math you can see we were on more than we were off.

I'm mad he broke up with me.

I'm mad he doesn't see things the same way I do.

I'm mad he still wants to be friends and hang out.

I'm mad he broke up with me...for me.

I'm mad i'm paying thousands of dollars for a college that is taking me away from the people i love.

I'm mad that I feel like i have to get away and yet all i want to do is curl up in his arms.

I'm mad that if he asked me to stay i would.

I'm mad that I think i'm in love with him.

I'm mad that I can tell him everything and yet i would never tell him that ^.

I'm mad that not only my boyfriend broke up with me that night but so did my best friend.

I'm mad that after three years i have to admit that he is my best friend and not the girls i pretend are.

I'm mad that i'm mad about these things.

So. This is eating me. So i dont need to eat.

I want to be thin. Right now thats the only thing I am certain of. I don't know how the future is going to play out, all i know is that i will be thin while living it out.

Yesterday: Egg whites, iced coffee, slice of pizza

Today: Egg whites, choc milk, (and whatever i get at my friends birthday dinner)

tomorrow I'll hopefully be able to avoid dinner.

So I'm Back....

I'll write more tomorrow while i'm babysitting

But hey guys, i'm back...
my feelings are totally mixed to the extreme...
excited and terrified all at once...