ate too much at dinner tonight =( and im not going to purge it because i wanna stay away from that for my teeths sake if nothing else
i really want to keep eating, i have that binge feeling creeping up on me. luckily my mom is in the kitchen right now, its the only thing keeping me from going in there. i'm not even hungry because i ate so much just a little bit ago i just really wanna eat just to eat. its so pathetic. i'm pathetic. i hate this. i was getting so proud of myself today and it all just got shitted on.
so lh sent me a nice sweet message, i haven't talked to him in a couple of days and probably wont text him until sometime this weekend, i just havent been in the mood to let him act all sweet like there isn't a huge issue between us. i know he doesn't see me as some girl to walk all over but really thats what it is. i make out with him, im here when he wants me to be but he's not going to date me again. sometimes im totally okay with this because i've done worse to him and plus i like him so i love our hooking up as much as he does, but lately i'm just not in the mood to let him have his cake and eat it too. i want him to realize that i'm done being just some back up.
GOD I JUST WANNA BE THIN AND BEAUTIFUL SO HE'S LUCKY TO HAVE ME.
but anyways i didn't mean for this to be a rant....
where i was going with this was as follows
he started saying how he doesn't know who he really is. he knows who he is to other people but if he wasn't trying to be something for other people he wouldn't know who to be, how to act. he challenged me to ask the question to myself, who am i. not who i am to other people but in general who am i. he said he wished i would stop worrying about what other people think about me and how i look and what i eat and just be myself but i think he's wrong to say it like that, because that is who i am. i am a worrier that's just who i am, it's not something someone made me to be. i am a weird eater i'm not doing that for someone. my worrying, my body issues, my eating those all things that make me me. they aren't a reaction to the outside world they are a action from myself.
so now i challenge you to ask yourself the same question
who are you?
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