Killing Time

i'm trying to kill about an half hour because i want to stay up to midnight to be able to wish my friend happy birthday...i told her i was going to be the very first one so i am determined to stay up.

todays stats
raisins-130
water-0
apple-95
peanut butter-95
cheese slices-69
wheat toast-90
total-479

workout
run 40 min = 350

total intake= 129 not terrible...


alright i still have 37 min to kill....
just for my own enjoyment i think i'm going to explain the whole lovely hurt situation even though im sure anyone who actually reads this wont care but hey like i said it's for my own enjoyment
the mothers day of freshmen year i went to mass at my grandma's church, there was a family sitting in front of us with three boys, one looked my age and for entertainment during the homily i started making up scenarios about meeting him etc, things that i never actually thought would happen. well as it turned out he was my grandma's neighbor she offered to introduce me but as a shy girl i told her there was no way i was going to let that happen. anyways one day during the summer before sophomore year i decided to facebook him, i found him and sent him a message stating that i thought he lived by my grandma. he responded and we began talking constantly. eventually we traded numbers and literally we texted from the moment we were both up until one of us fell asleep. we met when i was fifteen (he was sixteen) so i tech wasn't allowed to date but we did anyways. we were obsessed with each other. we dated for about three months then decided to take a break because my parents kept trying to not let us hang out and i met another guy that i considered dating, however i ended that before it started and me and the lovely hurt got back together the minuet i turned sixteen and was tech allowed to date. we continued to date for another five months until i broke it off. i dated two guys the summer before junior year but he and i still saw each other and talked and in between guys we acted like we were going out. after i broke up with the second guy, because i constantly wanted to be with lh, i decided to focus more time on lh in hopes he'd ask me out again and eventually he did and we dated for about another five months until he broke up with me. after we broke up i tried to tell myself that was it and that we were really going to be over but after a couple of weeks that proved wrong and we began acting like a couple again even though we tech weren't. this continued until i started hanging with some guys he didn't like. i ended up getting another bf who i dumped for the same reasons as the other guys, i just couldn't feel with them what i felt with lh. lh and i started acting like couple again and were doing awesome, everything was finally falling into place he even told me he was in love with me. a week after that i was pmsing really bad and he was always busy so i constantly bitched at him for ignoring me. he could never win. i got so mad when he bailed on me twice that i told him to stop talking to me and that we were over forever because i couldn't handle us anymore. so of course he did which hurt me so much. and sent me spiraling back into all my eating issues. currently he and i talk occasionally but we don't hang out and if i see him it usually ends up upsetting me because we always end up kissing and reminding me of what i use to have. i love him. i don't know if its just the chemicals because i gave my virginity to him and he's the only guy i've ever even considered having sex with or maybe it's the way he looks at me when we end a kiss or it could be the way i fit perfectly in his lap or the way he use to listen to all my boring stories or the way he helped me save my best friend. idk what it is all i know is that when i'm with him nothing else matters and everything feels at peace...but i don't have that anymore and it's driving me crazy...i know theres someone else out there for me but not having him is driving me insane. i just wish we could have stayed together until i leave for college. he's in college now which is why i think he's decided that we shouldn't act like we are together anymore, because he's always busy and has not time for this little highschooler anymore. i miss him. i miss the way my life was earlier this school year.