Life is roughing me up.
Vacation with the friends was basically amazing. I spent six days with my boyfriend on the beach constantly being told how tiny I am. As always there were tumbles here and there, I lost my bathing suit top the first day because the waves were so rough they tore it off and my friend got a bit annoyed with my boyfriend but all in all it was amazing. I came back and I left to go to school for recruitment.
I moved all of my things into my dorm and then that night receive an email saying I had made it off a wait list and into a better dorm. While it was great to make it in to a better dorm moving was a pain. I was told I had to move it by midnight the next night. The problem was that I was going to be at rush all day and evening. Thank goodness the boyfriend is amazing and drove down to help me move everything and stay the night, so I wasn't alone in my room the first night.
Rush was fun enough however bid day came. I ended up receiving bid from a house I had enjoyed but there is one problem with the house and this issue is the reason I have been hating life lately. The stereo type for this sorority is that it's the fat girls. I know I'm not 'fat' as in normal people fat. But with as high as my fear is that people will view me as fat this devastated me. People keep telling me that these girls are nice and cool and the stereotype is just people having fun with the names and doesn't actually have anything to do with the girls in it, but I really can't shake it. If I can't shake the stereotype and get close with the girls by initiation I'm going to drop it.
Why am I so judgmental?
I'm also very jealous because my friend made it into one of the 'pretty' sororities. Yeah their stereotype is that they are slutty and easy but still at least they are pretty.
I'm feeling very wounded right now, like I'm alone down here at school I just want the boyfriend to be here all the time and I wish I had a car here so I could drive back and meet him.
I miss my best friend, the boyfriend, the family, my job and my car.
I'm okay with being a loner, I'm a loner type in general, the issue is that down at school I can't be a true loner because I feel like people are watching and judging my loner-ness.
If I could be a loner in peace I would be happy. A room by myself I could just be a hermit and just see my boyfriend on the weekend and then be an awesome studious kid.
But this isnt an option. There's so much I wish I had right now that I don't and its really just fucking annoying.
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