Whats Eating Me...

My boyfriend and I broke up two nights ago. I knew it had to happen eventually but i didn't think it would happen so soon, i thought we had both agreed on spending the summer together before i leave since it would have probably been the last time we would be together like this. We dated on and off for three years, when doing the math you can see we were on more than we were off.

I'm mad he broke up with me.

I'm mad he doesn't see things the same way I do.

I'm mad he still wants to be friends and hang out.

I'm mad he broke up with me...for me.

I'm mad i'm paying thousands of dollars for a college that is taking me away from the people i love.

I'm mad that I feel like i have to get away and yet all i want to do is curl up in his arms.

I'm mad that if he asked me to stay i would.

I'm mad that I think i'm in love with him.

I'm mad that I can tell him everything and yet i would never tell him that ^.

I'm mad that not only my boyfriend broke up with me that night but so did my best friend.

I'm mad that after three years i have to admit that he is my best friend and not the girls i pretend are.

I'm mad that i'm mad about these things.

So. This is eating me. So i dont need to eat.

I want to be thin. Right now thats the only thing I am certain of. I don't know how the future is going to play out, all i know is that i will be thin while living it out.

Yesterday: Egg whites, iced coffee, slice of pizza

Today: Egg whites, choc milk, (and whatever i get at my friends birthday dinner)

tomorrow I'll hopefully be able to avoid dinner.