Keeping Up

So I didn't make it to the library this morning...rain makes me lazy. I did however keep myself from entering the death trap that is my pantry. I even stayed away from the box of doughnuts sitting on the kitchen table. I had two cups of coffee this morning with a dash of skim milk, so I'm a little shaky from the caffeine ..I love it..
I work 6 hours today and since I'll wear my tall wedges and be on my feet all day I'm not hating myself too much for not working out. As long as I don't eat today I can forgive myself for the lack of workout motivation. For me diet means  more than working out when it comes to looking good because I already have the muscle underneath all this fat from times when I do get motivated.
I know I can do this....
I want this...

That Time Again

Alright, it's that time again, new years eve is swiftly approaching and I want to start the new year at 97lbs. I maintained that weight for the majority of the summer and fall semester however towards the end I started eating pretty rough and skipping out of work outs due to work and final exams (excuses...excuses...). I'm currently about 103lbs. New years is about two weeks away. I know I can do this. The boy is getting us a hotel room for new years eve since we cant stay the night together while I'm home. I want to feel hot for him. My feeling good about myself makes us both feel good as it lightens my mood.

ANNNYYYYWHOOOO.....

Tomorrows schedule

Wake Up 10.00
Episode of the Wonder Years 10.00-10.30
Drink Glass of Water 10.30-10.45
Library to get work out dvds 10.45-11.30
Work Out 11.45-12.45
Shower 12.45-1.00
Get Read For Work 1.00-1.45
Work 2.00-8.00
Friends House 8.00-12.00
Get Ready for Bed 12.30-1.00
Sleep 1.00

Very little time for food. Hopefully I stick to it and don't sneak food in during the day.

The New Goal...Look Good in Boots with tall Socks

Soooo yeah I've been majorly failing. I'm back at 100lbs...I need to lose at least ten pounds by new years. That doesn't sound too terrible....right? It can totally be done.

Imperfection

I didn't follow perfection today

I ate 6oz of blue berries = 100 cal

Green tea

Skittles and Star bursts

Salad

Granola with Yogurt

Ice Cream

I can do this

I know i can

Well I Tried...

I tried being healthy. I tried the whole eat six small healthy meals, but I can't handle the lack of results. I need more and I need it faster. Food is like a game. Making up fake diets that I think might work and forcing myself to stick with it for as long as possible.

My newest diet. The Blueberry and Green Tea diet. I picked these two because they are both belly fat busters. How it works. Basically all I can consume is fresh blue berries, plain yogurt and salad (only when at the dining hall), and green tea both hot and iced.

I assume I am 105lbs right now. I haven't weighed myself in a while so I'm not totally sure where I'm at. I will weigh myself when I get home on Saturday.

Wish me luck dears <3 I need this.


 + =

Innocence is Bliss

My parents are funny people. They know something is up. I know they know something is up.

If you ever feel out of control.
I'm fine now.
I know, but if you're not, there's nothing wrong with asking for help.
I know. I'm fine.
Okay.

Went to get my mail from the dining room, a piece of paper lie underneath.
Evaluating Eating and Exercise habits.
I take my mail and leave.

Did you see the paper?
Yes. It's still there.
I know.
Okay.

Did she see the paper.
Yes, she left it.
Silence.

Back at school. Part of me worries I should say something to the boyfriend, to warn him of their insanity. I'm fine. Have they not seen the weight on me? I get scared my boyfriend will leave because I was at a bad spot but looking thin when we met. Yeah during summer it was bad, but I'm fine now. Maybe that's why it's easier for them to say anything about it. Clean up is fine when the storm has passed.

URGHHHH WHYYY

1. I'm bloated from pms
2. I don't like running on campus by myself but no one can run three miles without walking so I haven't ran a whole three miles in weeks.
3.Big/Little week has happened and my Big gave me, cookies, m&ms, skittles and twizzlers...so what do i do? I put the cookies hidden in a box so I can give them to the boyfriend when I go home and then gorge on the candy. I AM SUCH A FUCKING FAT ASS!!!!